I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Your penis caused this!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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