no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
