I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Please don't give away my fajitas
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
