So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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