dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
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when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
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I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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