Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
3 2 1 whiskey
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
