Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
