worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
