Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
