it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
