Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth

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(631): View more from New York

Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!

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(425): View more from Washington

oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(952): View more from Minnesota

Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.

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(205): View more from Alabama

Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.

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(415): View more from California

All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?

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(443): View more from Maryland

i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.

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