So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend