Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno

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  (810): oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno http://tfl.nu/xl94
  Replies (7) Good night (1773) Bad night (643)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.

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  (203): When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you. http://tfl.nu/1g0q
  Replies (5) Good night (921) Bad night (2871)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.

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  (812): If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message. http://tfl.nu/nzcw
  Replies (31) Good night (5671) Bad night (1069)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.

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  (443): Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now. http://tfl.nu/xaw7
  Replies (14) Good night (1804) Bad night (4693)
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  (650): View more from California

  an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.

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  (650): an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty. http://tfl.nu/vy3j
  Replies (81) Good night (10494) Bad night (3069)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?

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  (314): Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me? http://tfl.nu/x7by
  Replies (35) Good night (2578) Bad night (10257)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  That's yours. We cut you off.

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  (715): Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off? (651): That's yours. We cut you off. http://tfl.nu/7df9
  Replies (3) Good night (4044) Bad night (1047)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.

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  (412): He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to. (412): Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali. http://tfl.nu/ulfo
  Replies (9) Good night (2385) Bad night (832)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.

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  (561): I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition. http://tfl.nu/6rth
  Replies (19) Good night (2652) Bad night (847)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.

  (1-618): View more from Illinois

  Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!

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  (618): One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat. (1-618): Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research! http://tfl.nu/3g8w
  Replies (6) Good night (1671) Bad night (373)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.

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  (618): Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents. http://tfl.nu/mt2r
  Replies (1) Good night (709) Bad night (416)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants

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  (610): Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants http://tfl.nu/tsrf
  Replies (4) Good night (488) Bad night (983)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.

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  (630): He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call. http://tfl.nu/ffg6
  Replies (1) Good night (447) Bad night (345)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick

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  (514): I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick http://tfl.nu/2mcj
  Replies (2) Good night (352) Bad night (216)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.

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  (+44): I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life. http://tfl.nu/4bxi
  Replies (3) Good night (357) Bad night (130)

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