I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
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Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.