i think my tv is drunk
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.