It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
