I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!