i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..