We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
