So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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