i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize