FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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