that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
