Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm too high and old for this...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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