Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
