I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
