my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize