I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
