he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
