How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
