I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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