Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
