question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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