Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
