it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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