we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
