these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
