You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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