I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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