Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
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aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
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You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
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