omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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