It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
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Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
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My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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