I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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