oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize