Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
