Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
