i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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