I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
