Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
