I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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