i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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