Can i not drive my cunt home
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
