Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
