you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
