Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
