I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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