if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
