were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
