my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
