so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.