I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter