And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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