I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
