It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
