my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
