You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize