we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
