Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
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Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
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It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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