how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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