If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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