Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
