she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
