Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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