Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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