Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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