so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
