You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
