There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
